


ai-shi-te-ru

by PotatoButt



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: A handful of scenes put together, Ash Lynx Goes to Japan, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild canon noncompliance, learning a language, mentions of past violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26077831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoButt/pseuds/PotatoButt
Summary: “Hey, Eiji, how do you say ‘I love you’ in Japanese?”--In which Eiji never teaches Ash "sayonara."
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 13
Kudos: 232





	ai-shi-te-ru

**Author's Note:**

> Used for reference: https://www.fluentin3months.com/i-love-you-in-japanese/

“Hey, Eiji, how do you say ‘I love you’ in Japanese?”

Ash’s voice is so casual and nonchalant that it almost dampens the shock of the question. Eji feels himself blush pink as his cheeks get warm. He’s sitting across the table from Ash, doing another impromptu Japanese lesson after dinner. Eiji grips the pencil in his hand nervously.

“Er, I guess it depends on who you’re saying it to?” Eiji says, and his mind immediately tells him what  _ he _ would say to  _ Ash _ , if ever given the chance. 

Ash’s eyes glance down to the paper between them, covered in various characters that turn into words when Eiji says them. Eiji can tell that Ash is carefully considering his response before he does speak. “Like if I were saying it romantically.” Eiji isn’t sure, but it almost looks like Ash is blushing now, too.

“Oh, um,” Eiji starts, bringing the paper closer to him. “There’s two ways, really. The first is more common.” Eiji scribbles 好きだよ on the paper, and as he reads it he points to the characters, moving his finger across the paper. “Su-ki-da-yo.” He says carefully, and Ash nods along.

“Sookie die-o?” Ash’s pronunciation is a little off, but Eiji’s stomach erupts into flutters anyway, hoping that his face won’t get any pinker.

“Right. And then there’s this one.” Eiji says, writing 愛してる onto the paper. “It’s more… Serious, I guess, is the best way to describe it.”

Ash looks at the characters, and back up to Eiji, cool and calm green eyes gazing at him softly. Eiji is the only one that gets to see those eyes. “And how do you say it?” Ash presses, pulling Eiji out of his thoughts.

“Um, ai-shi-te-ru.” Eiji says, clearly enunciating the characters.

Ash repeats him again, “Aye-shee-teroo.” Eiji can’t help but smile, admiring Ash’s best efforts to correctly pronounce the る (ru) syllable. He tries to ignore that his gut twists as Ash tries it again, wishing that it wasn’t just practice, wishing that Ash was saying that to him for real. Even so, the back of Eiji’s mind wonders if Ash intends to find a girlfriend when they go to Japan. It’s selfish, but that thought makes Eiji’s chest hurt. 

He must have been making a face, because suddenly Ash is looking at him, concern wrinkling his forehead. “Eiji?” Ash pauses for a moment, thinking. “Dai… Daijoubu desu… ka?”Ash wants to know if Eiji is okay, and his pronunciation is quite good for that phrase.

Eiji nods, offering Ash a smile. “Mm, I’m fine. Just lost in thought for a second there.” Ash eyes him curiously still, and Eiji wonders if Ash can see right through him. If he can, he doesn’t say anything.

That night, Eiji restlessly shifts in bed, trying to find sleep but Ash’s voice is loud in his head.  _ Aishiteru, aishiteru, aishiteru. _

\--

On another night, Eiji wakes up the sound of Ash crying in the bed next to him. Eiji sits up, “Ash?” Ash makes a small noise of acknowledgement, and Eiji turns, slipping out of bed, stopping over to Ash’s bed. “Ash, I’m here. It’s okay.” Eiji says softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. Ash’s face is red and wet when he looks up, eyes full of fear. Eiji holds out his hand for him, and he takes it, yanking Eiji down, clutching him like his life depended on it. 

Heartbroken, Eiji adjusts to lay by Ash’s side, cradling his shaking body in his arms. This scene is not unfamiliar to them anymore. All Eiji can do is hold him, run his fingers through that soft blonde hair, and try to reassure him that he’s okay. Eiji talks about random things, hoping to distract Ash from his spiraling thoughts. He talks about the sitcom on TV or about something Mrs. Coleman told when they ran into each other at the store.

There’s a lot of other things Eiji wants to say, but the moment isn’t right. Finally, Ash’s body begins to calm or his body tires out, breaths shuddering in and out of his shaking chest as Eiji’s hand rubs a small circle between his bony shoulder blades.

_ Aishiteru, Ash. I love you. I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m sorry I can’t make it better. Aishiteru. _

“Eiji,” Ash says, voice impossibly small for someone like him. A voice that he hides from everyone else. 

“Hm?”

Ash hesitates, and Eiji can feel him grab a handful of his sleep shirt. “I… Thanks… F-for this.”

“Of course.” Eiji replies softly, nuzzling his face into Ash’s hair. 

_ Of course. Of course. Anything for you. I love you _ .  _ Aishiteru. Always. _

\--

Eiji had imagined that coming to Japan with Ash would include a passionate love confession.

It doesn’t.

It takes Ash weeks to relax and not react to every sound behind him. The floors on Eiji’s parents’ house creak, and, being a family, they all come and go. Every time a door opens, Ash’s head snaps to that direction. He still has nightmares, but they share Eiji’s room, so he’s never far.

One morning, Eiji wakes up before Ash, per his usual routine. He slides out of bed, and drowsily takes his shirt off. He feels sweaty, and the shirt felt like it was stuck to him. With a yawn, Eiji quietly opens the door, slips out, and closes it carefully so that the knob doesn’t make any noise. 

It’s a bit early, and it doesn’t seem as if the rest of the Okumura family has risen yet. Eiji walks to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He frowns at his messy hair in the mirror, trying to fuss it back into place with his hands. Ash typically has wild bedhead too, but his looked better than Eiji’s, he thought. Giving up on his hair, Eiji starts to brush his teeth.

“Eiji?” Ash’s voice is thick with grogginess as he pokes his head into the bathroom.

“Oh-,” Eiji spits foam into the sink. “Sorry, do you need the bathroom?” He wipes his mouth and turns to Ash, who’s looking at him with a pained expression. “What’s…” Eiji starts, but stops. He knows what Ash is looking at. Those green eyes are stuck to Eiji’s bare torso, looking at the gunshot wound scar with something like horror and shame. Eiji drops his toothbrush in the sink, reflexively covering the scar with his hands. It’s not very big or grotesque, but it’s  _ there, _ and he knows Ash must feel horrible about it. There’s also the fainter scars, the cuts from Shorter’s blade among scratches and gashes from other things, and Eiji realizes that Ash has never seen these scars.

A tear rolls down Ash’s pale cheek.

“Ash,” Eiji tries, but Ash turns away, heading back to the bedroom, where it’s safe. Eiji follows him into the room, grabbing his hand as the door closes. “Ash,” Eiji pleads, “Ash, please don’t be upset.”

Ash sinks to the floor, hiding his face in his hands as he chokes back a sob. Eiji pulls on the first shirt he can find, one of Ash’s, and kneels beside him. He puts a hand on a shaking shoulder, and Ash twitches.

“Eiji,” Ash sobs, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He says it again and again, and Eiji brings his arms around his head and shoulders, cradling Ash’s head to his chest.

“Don’t be sorry. Don’t.” Eiji insists, holding him tight. “I’m proud of this scar. This scar saved your life.” 

Ash hiccups, grabbing on to Eiji’s torso. “You wouldn’t have it at all if it weren’t for me.”

Eiji’s brow tightens, “That may be true, but there’s a lot of other things I wouldn’t have if I didn’t have you.”

_ Please don’t feel this way. You are so precious to me. I don’t regret a second of it. Aishiteru. _

“Ash, I’m so happy that you’re here. With me, like this.” Eiji grabs Ash’s shoulders, pushing him back and forcing them to meet eye-to-eye. Ash’s face is blotchy red, cheeks wet, and expression twisted into something miserable. Eiji loves that face anyways. “I mean, seriously, I dragged you all the way to Japan for  _ my _ sake.” Eiji says softly, gently brushing a tear from Ash’s cheek.

Ash blubbers, pulling Eiji back close to him, burying his wet face into Eiji’s neck. And he doesn’t mind at all. He never would.

“Eiji.” Ash whispers. “Thank you.” He squeezes Eiji tight as residual sobs run their course until he is finally calm once more. Eiji wipes at those blonde eyelashes and that perfect face, perfect in spite of how many times he should have been disfigured by violence. Eiji helps Ash back into bed, it’s still much earlier than Ash would normally be up, plus he’s definitely exhausted now that the distress is out of his system. Eiji brings the blanket up to cover Ash’s shoulders, but before he can turn away, Ash’s warm hand grabs his wrist.

“Stay.” Ash asks, tired eyes daring Eiji to say no. As if he ever could.

\--

“Ash, wake up.” Eiji gently nudges Ash’s sleeping lump. “Aaaasshhh.”

The sleeping one stirs slightly, grunting in response. Eiji sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

In what can only be a quick, calculated move, Ash’s hand grabs Eiji’s arm, dragging him down and under the blanket to meet Ash’s soft, sleepy face. Ash clings to him, and Eiji would dare to call this cuddling.

“Um, Ash?” Eiji nearly squeaks. Ash nuzzles into his neck, wrapping an arm around his waist. Eiji’s arms instinctively hold Ash in return.

“Sleepy.” Ash mumbles, breath hot against Eiji’s skin.

“Ash…” Eiji sighs. With this development, Ash was never going to get out of bed because Eiji would never willingly end this contact.

Ash sighs, and it’s a happy sound that makes Eiji’s heart skip a beat. “I like the way you say my name.” He murmurs.

“Do I say it strangely?” 

Ash shakes his head, “No, your accent. You say it like ‘Ashu.’ It’s cute.” Eiji’s too surprised by Ash’s unrestrained honesty to feel embarrassed.

“Ash. Ash.” Eiji says softly. If Ash likes it, Eiji will indulge him. Always.

“Eiji,” Ash says, “Ah… What was it…” Ash murmurs sleepily, and Eiji wonders if he’s dozing off again. Suddenly Ash sits up, blonde hair in a wild tangle, eyes hardly open. Even so, he reaches to the nightstand and pulls a notebook out of the drawer. Eiji watches curiously as Ash flips through it, sleepy eyes searching for something within the pages.

“Ash?” Eiji asks as Ash puts the notebook away once more and lays back down to reassume their prior cuddling position. “Um…” Eiji is confused, but allows Ash to pull him close.

“Ai-shi-te-ru.”

The words are mumbled into the skin of Eiji’s neck. Surely he had heard that wrong.

“S-sorry, what was that?” Eiji feels like he might explode as Ash leans up, his handsome face pulled into a pout.

“I said, ai-” Lips press against Eiji’s forehead with each syllable. “Shi,”  _ Kiss _ . “Te.”  _ Kiss _ . “Ru.”  _ Kiss _ .

Emotion floods through Eiji as he gawks at Ash, who’s blushing now and still sporting a bit of a pout. Eiji’s head is spinning, words of any language failing him. 

“Wait, really? Like really?” Eiji fumbles his words, and Ash just nods. Eiji’s throat gets tight, and he feels like he might cry. He dips his head and carefully presses a kiss to Ash’s lips as a tear runs down his cheek.

They part, and Eiji clutches Ash close to him. “Aishiteru- I love you. I love you so much.”

_ Finally, finally _ .

“I love you.” Eiji whispers like a promise.

“I love you too.” Ash answers. It’s a promise he’ll keep.


End file.
